MY BLOGS

This week’s topic is related to last week’s complaining and venting. I don’t know about you, but sometimes during my venting episodes, I’ll spat out information about others that’s not necessary or true or necessarily true! It’s true from my perspective, but does that make it true?

Therefore, as admitted in previous blogs, my messages are a strong reminder to self. I’m acutely aware of the physical and emotional pain caused by these violations against me and sometimes more than I want to admit, caused by me.

Why do we get involved in gossiping and slander or I will just call it character assassination? Strong words? Have you thought about the consequences of your blabber to others about others?

Have you paused to think why and what are you sharing? Do you share to make you feel good or look good? Do you feel more important? Or powerful because your news is hot off the press? Or maybe you want to be part of the popular crowd or the closed circle? What about being envious of the promotion another received while you were the perfect candidate? Maybe you’re angry with someone and you don’t have the guts to solve the conflict. Ugh, that hits close to home!

Have you carefully considered your feelings after a venting session? Or when you shared information framing others in a less favorite light? Was a burden lifted from your shoulders as you expected? Or are you tripping over your doubts if sharing was the right thing to do? Do you agonize over “what if” scenarios when the information shared becomes public and you’ll be pointed out as the villain?

The truth is your venting session that was supposed to help, rather trips you up. You’re more troubled than before. And now you are staggering under the burden of guilt and shame. The pain in your shoulders and back ramps up and headaches take over.

What does Scripture say about gossiping and slander?

In the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Romans, he lists many traits of a depraved mind. Slander and backstabbing are included in this list (1). Later in the book of Romans, Paul explains that we, who accepted Christ, are no longer slaves of sin. We should not let sin control the way we live. And not take part in gossip and slandering that destroy someone else (2). In Paul’s letter to the believers in Colosse, he advises “to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander and dirty language” (3). Paul is very clear about slander−get rid of it! All of this tells me we have a choice!

How do we stop gossiping and put to death the practice of slander?

1. Examine your heart. Jesus says slander comes from the heart. It means there are deeper lying issues that needs to be taken care of (4). Let’s calibrate our hearts with Jesus. Let’s follow King David, and ask “Search me, O God, and know my heart… Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” (5).

2. Be honest with yourself. Ask some hard questions to find if you too are guilty of character assassination?

  • Do you talk about someone’s private affairs without their approval?

  • Was the information damaging to that person’s reputation?

  • Have you felt it necessary to clarify that the private or personal information shared is confidential, and shouldn’t be shared with others?

If you have answered yes to any of the above questions, then you are a gossiper! Confess it out loud: I am a gossiper. Call it out for what it is. We can’t address sin in our lives if we don’t call it by name. Let’s humble yourselves before our Lord and ask forgiveness. Accept Jesus love.

James, a leader in the Jerusalem Church, reminds the First Century Christians of their responsibility as to refrain from slander, because how can we praise God and curse others with the same mouth? (6).

3. How do we get out of a conversation when someone else dumps unsolicited private or harmful information about others?

This is a tough situation to deal with. But with the love and the strength gathered from being in Jesus’ presence we will manage. Excuse yourself from the conversation or speak up. Breathe deeply. Stop the conversation and share your feelings. Verbalize your thoughts of being uncomfortable.

It’s perfectly normal to feel unnerved in such a situation. Accept the fact that the others may not like what you say. But you will respect yourself and build the courage and confidence to speak up next time. And it will bring freedom and peace instead of the shackles of guilt, shame, and pain.

4. Think before you talk. The following questions will help to clarify your thought process:

  • What is the purpose of sharing the information?

  • Does sharing the information serves others’ best interest?

  • Does sharing the information bring positive change to you or the world around you?

  • Would you have repeated the individual’s information if the person was part of your conversation?

  • Is the information true?

  • Is the information essential or necessary? Scripture tells us that those who guard their tongues will stay out of trouble (7).

In summary then, let’s lean into Jesus, calibrate our hearts on a daily basis and learn to love deeply from being in his presence. Let’s surrender our natural desires to the Lord. Ask him to cut out the ugliness in our hearts. He will help up to remain righteous and grow in love. Make conscious choices to get rid of the things that slows us down in our spiritual journey. Let’s think before we talk.

I would love to hear how you’re faring in this “new normal” of our current circumstances. May God bless you and keep you.

Leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.

Until next time!

Anita Beukman

Your Hope Coach

Scripture References: Gossip and Slander (also available in Download

1. Romans 1:29 - 30 “Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful.”
2. Romans 6:11-14 “So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus. Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.”
3. Colossians 3: 7 – 8 “You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language.”
4. Matthew 15: 18 – 19 “But the words you speak come from the heart−that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.”
5. Psalm 139: 23 – 24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Points out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
6. James 3: 9 – 10 “Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!”
7. Proverbs 21:23 “Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.”

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